The Promised Land

Despite what anyone tells you and what you believe, we all suck. You suck, I suck, he sucks, she sucks, everybody fucking sucks, literally. That one kid in the corner sucks dick and the girl next to him has a thing for pussy, and the ones by the vending machines, oh boy, those kids suck asshole. I mean, it’s 2018, if you’re not sucking ass for enjoyment or sexual stimulation rather than trying to get ahead in life, what the fuck are you doing, you pitiful, unsanitary pricks?

Hey, don’t get me wrong, to each his own, I am no judge of how one chooses to get off or who they choose to love, but we all do fucking suck. I probably know what you’re thinking, “I don’t suck ass, I eat that shit”, but you’re wrong, regardless of whatever you and your dense fucking brain want to think, you’re sucking, you sick fucks.

I also, must apologize in advance to the contradiction of anything that your parents may have promised you growing up, but being the greatest or special, or having the power to do anything if you put your mind to it was honestly just a ploy to satisfy you so you would just shut fuck up.

You really thought you were gonna be a movie star? That’s funny, I actually thought your mom wasn’t a slut, but daddy needs his daily shag to get through the day, so lets please the man, and believe me, daddy is the greatest in the sheets. Just like how mommy tells you, you’re the greatest when shes not on her back. So in a way your parents are basically screwing you. Fucking you silly, letting you believe that you may possibly have a dream that can come true, but in the end, life finds us sooner than we expect and leaves us all in a downward spiral leading an anticlimactic lifestyle that ushers us to debt and death.

Anyhow, your parents love you with all their heart. Almost everyone’s parents love them unconditionally. As you should love your parents, because they had no clue they were fucking you into sucking the rest of your life, not a clue at all, and they tried their best to not suck. They most likely, did everything, said everything and loved you with the best intentions possible, and whether or not anybody here ends up fucked, that’s your own fault, not theirs.

So love your parents, even if they suck more than you do, and don’t ever forget, that you’re only here because daddy decided to shoot you out of his dick for pure amusement one satisfying evening when your mother decided she wasn’t going to suck too much. He was smiling joyously, probably just like you do when your biting that lip and closing those gorgeous eyes of yours, you cute little pervert.

Without the sins of our fathers many of us wouldn’t be here, so thank the lord if you believe in him, because you made it to the promised land. I was never much the religious type because, well, I never felt the sense in praying to something that may not even be there, I always figured believing in my family and friends was a better focus instead. In spite of that and what anyone believes though, there is a heaven and a hell. Oh and yes, I know I said we all suck but no matter how much some people suck more than others, and how much hardships have us down, life really doesn’t suck at all.

It’s actually heavenly if you think about it. I believe that, this so- called heaven, so many extremists are concerned with, is actually here on Earth, in fact, mankind’s heaven, is life on Earth. We have everything we could ask for in this promised land, family and friends by our side, the guilty pleasures, the sights and sounds that drive our satisfaction to its peak. How could this not be heaven? We just have to go out and get what we want when we want it. Conversely, some of you may be thinking that if this was heaven, there wouldn’t be so much wrong with this world, but anything that is naturally wrong with the world is just a factor in the circle of life.

Anything that isn’t naturally wrong with it, is just karma for all the sucking humans have done in the past leading up until now. Actions like deforestation and fracking are slowly turning this heaven into a living hell. Unfortunately, you’re all too blind to see that heaven is right in front of us, it’s our home. Living everyday in fear of things, such as debt and death, or disease or even a god damn spider for that matter, isn’t any way to feel alive. I fucking hate spiders, but the point is, that, no one really lives in the moment anymore or understands the true meaning behind what life really is. It is heaven.

Worried about whats going to happen or where we’re going next, who gives a fuck? Live in the moment, do the drugs, break the rules, love the ones your with, get wasted, eat that ass and suck your fucking life away however you’d like to. By the way, if you thought I was serious about anything I said earlier, you’re probably a cunt, which is somewhat alright, I guess, because cunts are cool. Love cunts.

Fact is, if you do want to live out a dream, anything is possible in this crazy heaven we all love so much, I’m living my dream right now, writing what I’d like to write. Most of you probably stopped reading after I let you know you weren’t going to be a celebrity, but the truth is, with the exception of few, most of us probably aren’t going to be famous or rich or anything of the sort and if you can’t appreciate that candor, I hope your dog decides to screw you in your sleep this evening.

Others may have survived until they read the word cunt. Now dumbfounded, having the thought that they’re too good for such grammar. They’re in disgust with a fucking word that refers to someones genitals like every other word you ignorant fucks use? Inevitable hypocrisy am I right? For those of you still with me, if anyone is even reading this bullshit, don’t let life pass you by.

This life we live, truly is a heaven, you just have to take a moment to stop, soak it all in and realize sucking isn’t so bad. As for hell, who knows how bad it may actually be or if it does even exist for that matter, but from what I have gathered so far from Forster, it may be a place angels fear to tread. The one thing I do know for sure, is that this life, fucked up or not, is heaven, with angels among men, demons among the angels, and suckers everywhere in between.



Author: TQS

Creator and Editor at stumpedwise.

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